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:: Saturday, December 31, 2005 ::
:: Thursday, December 22, 2005 :: You'd be pissed if someone changed your article, wouldn't you? Well, I had the weirdest dream where the editor of the magazine that I was writing for changed the entire meaning of my article, rewrote the words, added his own pictorial content, which sucked, frankly, and to top it all off, changed the LANGUAGE the article was written in. I was so angry. I was screaming at him that the assignment did not mention that it was to be in Chinese and the way he re-wrote the article made it entirely off-topic. Not to mention the fact that he used horribly out-of-focus pictures to illustrate the article. And gave me credit for it! As if I would want to be credited for a piece of crap I did not write. It was quite a funny dream. I was so mad I wanted to hit him, although other people stepped in to prevent a ruckus, so I couldn't. And I hate people who say "I want to" and then later don't for no good reason at all. :: nimezs @ 12:14 pm [+] :: ... :: Wednesday, December 21, 2005 :: Here's the address of my ex secret blog. I don't have any more use for it and I'm not ashamed of my weakness anymore. Indulge yourself with my ranty whining. Though I must warn you, please don't look at it if you think you may cry. I know it made me do so in my more depressed times. I want to begin this process of opening up to people. To stop relying on my own strength. My secrets have expiry dates, apparently. But because you are special to me, I will share them with you. :: nimezs @ 3:46 am [+] :: ... :: Tuesday, December 20, 2005 :: Well, I'm back. I loved the trip, to say nothing of the company! I can't plan holidays for nuts, or take care of myself, but it's a good thing the people I travel with can. In exchange, I'll follow you anywhere and do whatever you want without complaint. Almost anything. Hey, I dispensed massages, you know. Free. Lol. I'm so glad I went. Got to know everyone better and I have to say I definitely feel more amiable towards them now. Nel is a fantastic travel companion. She'll bargain for you, point out items you want and since she has a love for good food, you'll never want for it. Since I read her post before doing mine, I have to say I'm a little influenced by what she wrote. We travelled in two groups most of the time, and I have to say that Eugene cracks me up with his weird jokes and ideas. He's such ham too. Keeps asking for photos and videos to be taken of himself. But I do love subjects who pose willingly for me. Benjamin, on the other hand, doesn't. Still, he really surprised me, because I never knew him that well to begin with. He's much cheekier than I expected - behind that innocently boyish face is a crazily suggestive mind. Erin and Ryan I didn't travel around much with, but I have to say they were great fun during the drinking games. Er. That doesn't shed a very good light on them, huh? *grin* They seem like a nice couple though, and I *know* Erin is nice. I don't know what else to write now, except that I really do enjoy travelling with friends and I hope I'll have the opportunity to do it again with other friends. Then I can compare and contrast - is it friends in general I like to travel with, or just this particular group of friends. Heh. I'll end off with a quote I thought was rather true that I read whilst surfing today. "Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings." - Anais Nin :: nimezs @ 1:21 am [+] :: ... :: Thursday, December 15, 2005 :: Firstly, Levi's jeans! YAY! But, size 27. Boo. At least not size 28.Yay. But still tight. Boo. Neltje assures me it's perfectly normal and I'll lose all sensation in my legs after a while. Kidding. I'm off to Thailand. See you in four! :: nimezs @ 9:05 am [+] :: ... :: Wednesday, December 14, 2005 :: Good morning, folks. You're online here with the author of this blog. Let me just say it's been a rough day for us. A loooong day in fact. It all started with having to meet Neltje for shopping at 4.30 pee am. As it turned out she was late and I needn't have taken a cab, but I did, and most unfortunately, if you remember my cashless crisis - which is still ongoing - I did not have any money to pay for the cab. Also, my ATM card could not be used, still, because they didn't send their pin and I couldn't use the old pin. Ridiculous, if you ask me, but, what the hey, as if they cared about my happiness. And UOB? Within 7 working days huh. Well, I guess that means I'll have to wait until at least Thursday since I called you on Tuesday? This is ridiculous. I can't withdraw ANY money at all. Maybe I should just withdraw all my money and put it into Citibank. That'll learn you. Yeah, so, in a most amusing twist of fate, the only way I could get any money at all was to convert my 50 ringgit into Sing dollars. 50 for 21.50 - bad deal if you ask me, considering my 50 ringgit note was worth much more several months ago. Meh. But what to do. Then to top it off, I was approached by one of those donation drive people who asked me to buy one of their tickety things. For $10. I was all "I don't have any money!" and he was like "Maybe you can look for an ATM?" and I was "Look, I'm having a very rough time here because my ATM cards can't be used for drawing money and I can only use credit cards!" And he went "Oh." and I went "I'm sorry." and stalked off to do some retail therapy. Except that I didn't. Good thing too, the boots weren't worth it. I'm very grumpy now. Where's the boyfriend I can force to stay up with me while I'm doing my work? The bashful one with speccys from my dream? The one with a large disposable income? The sweetheart with soft skin? Where is he?! WHERE?! I don't think he exists. :: nimezs @ 3:12 am [+] :: ... :: Tuesday, December 13, 2005 :: Except we're not, so if you show us photos of cars, talk about cars, fantasize about cars, we will yawn. Politely but pointedly. Our interests are not yours, we understand, so you should understand that your interests are not ours. It is unfair to expect us to be excited about cars when you care not a whit about shopping or that sale at Guess. Oh, and if any of you girls feel upset that I'm using "we" and "us" in my post, rest assured I was not speaking for you. Go ahead and gush over cars. Brown-noser. :: nimezs @ 2:08 pm [+] :: ... If I'm going to buy something branded, it better be of good quality or at least have the freaking brand name written all over it.:: Sunday, December 11, 2005 :: Funny that it should come to me suddenly just before I went to bed. If it happened often enough, I'd be worried that I was suffering from chronic depression. It's late at night and there's no one I can or want to talk to on MSN, so this is the next best thing, I suppose. Yes, I admit, I think there's still some anger and grief in me regarding my breakup. If this is news to you, I'm sorry - I've never been one to announce my feelings and my business to all and sundry. The way I see... saw... (I don't know which is the case) it, my feelings are a personal thing and I should not inflict the pain of my own pain on others. Which may be a bad thing, because I don't know if I've actually vented enough to get over it. Sometimes I worry that I'm just brushing things under the rug instead of really being ok. I can't tell. It feels mostly the same. Except when things like this happen, and I'm assaulted with memories so poignant that I just start tearing. Perhaps I'm terribly adept at deluding myself - otherwise why all the private tears without the outward admission? I think the episode was mainly sparked off by my remembrance about how sweetly it started - the giddy happiness and solemn promises. The heartwretching ache for that missed feeling. And then the recollection of how upset I was later. Ridiculous really. How can you tell others you're alright when you cry in bed, cry in the shower, cry on the bus? I used to be able to count the number of times I cried per year but I think I completely lost track of what that number is over the past 2 years. When I think about it now, it was just me feeling sorry for myself. I don't tell people these things because I never wanted them to 1) feel sorry for me or worse, 2) make them feel as though I wanted them to feel sorry for me. Also, who knows how some people might experience schadenfreude. Maybe it's a fear of seeming vulnerable. I know how it would shock a whole bunch of people if they ever saw me cry. And really, it's so much easier to say you're ok than to explain how not okay you are. As for anger... It's a very undirected anger. I have no one to be angry at, no one I can think of to blame. Quite unsettling to me because it all feels very unresolved, somehow. Anyway, I think I'm normal now. I just needed to talk to someone and the urge to hug someone and cry is completely gone. I'm er... mostly myself and not sure if this should even be published. Still. I am human. I do grieve, I get angry and become unobjective. Just let me feel as though I'm justified in being insensible, is all I ask. =) :: nimezs @ 1:40 am [+] :: ... :: Saturday, December 10, 2005 :: I have discovered that one of the greatest trials of being a journalist at New Paper is writing puns into their titles. What the?! I shouldn't be surprised, really. After I let my cell group mate read a list of pun titles that the writer regretted using for this in-flight magazine he wrote for, the former said they were good. Good?! "Snow place like home"? "Too Much of a Food Thing"? Oh, and he particularly liked "Raising the Steaks". Pris and I were like "Next time you have a problem with titles, ask us. Anytime." :: nimezs @ 4:45 pm [+] :: ... :: Friday, December 09, 2005 :: Isn't it amazing how people can bond over some shared interest? And so quickly too? You know someone all of two hours, and then suddenly it's "Can I have your number?" Come to think of it, that's probably how me and the ex started our friendship. (NB: When I say ex, it refers to the latest one, because the previous one was long enough ago that I may now safely call him a friend without choking on blood that threatens to explode from my oesophagus. Also, as I said to Joey, I have the ability to extrapolate the weirdest scenarios, so please ignore me when I border on maniacal. It's, I'm sure, a side-effect of my histrionic nature.) The downside of such friendships or whatever relationship predicated on this common love for something is that when said "something" is removed, you no longer have anything to gush over together. And your relationship is kaput because e.g. "Ever since X gave up his hurdy-gurdy to buy an engagment ring, it hasn't been the same. We've nothing to talk about now." But then again, relationships founded on absolutely nothing sometimes seem to thrive very long too because neither can find any reason to break it off. Nonetheless, isn't it amazing how quickly people can bond over a shared interest? :: nimezs @ 12:28 pm [+] :: ...
:: Wednesday, December 07, 2005 ::
 Shiny, shiny!  Which is shallow and materialistic, I know, but oh... you don't know the paroyxsms of joy it sends me into. There's something insanely compelling about Tiffany's. I once said to a friend, give a girl a ring from Tiffany's and she'll probably say yes to anything. And I've been having a fairly bad time with my possessions. So far I've lost 1 necklace, 1 debit card, the pin number to my OTHER debit card, a pair of shoes (which broke), handphone cover (also broke), and to top it off, a national library book at church. All in all, not a good day either. Shoe strap snapped in the morning. Pin number which worked fine just an hour earlier became WRONG. Then, going home, spent about 15 to 20 minutes waiting alone in line at the Pasir Ris Bus Interchange for 12. It never came. And when there seemed a glimmer a hope that this double deckered bus that started pulling out of the berth might be the bus I was waiting for, this OTHER bus pulled up in front of the bus-line. And it wasn't even any of the buses listed in the queue! Lost sight of the maybe-12, and when the stupid other bus FINALLY pulled away, it was GONE. ARGH. But I'm okay. And I know material possessions are just material possessions - and sometimes it's not the tangible things that you give that count, but the intangible things - time, patience, love. Why you give these things is important too - they should be given with the knowledge that it will please and a heart that is only too happy to give. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Also, knowing when to give something and what to give is pretty important too. Even when they're not demanded of you. Whoever you are, the many people I love and who love me, thanks for caring. It matters to me. Nonetheless... Tiffany's box! So hypnotically pretty! :: nimezs @ 1:16 am [+] :: ... :: Sunday, December 04, 2005 :: I'm not camera shy because I don't want to be like the people I constantly photograph. The truth is, however, I hate having photos of myself because it somehow destroys the perfect self-image I have. Not that my self-image is that perfect, really. Maybe it's something that happens to others too, but I look at photos of myself and instantly pick out flaws. In fact, the more photos taken of me, the less confident I feel about my looks. If ever I've been said to be pretty, I attribute it entirely to good lighting and carefully applied make-up. Therefore, if you've ever seen me around in my glasses and horribly mismatched clothes, you'll know that I'm having one of those "I can't be bothered to compete with the beautiful people around me anymore so why give a damn?" days. It also explains why I'm sometimes obsessed with staying fit/keeping fat off. The way I see it, that's the only claim to attractiveness I seem to have. Anyway, if you're like me and hate photos of yourself, let me tell you that being camera shy just induces people to take MORE photos of you. The more you hide, the more people will want to take those oh-so-elusive photos of you. Seriously. Unless you actually want people to take more photos of you. :: nimezs @ 10:16 pm [+] :: ...
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