My post for today is hidden somewhere else. The gist is emcompassed within these few numbers, and peeps? Don't bother asking me what it means, the whole point for you is to figure it out for yourself, but on the bonus side, it'll at least be the truest thing I've ever said here.
Hints will be dispensed according to how hard you beg and how willing I am to help you along.
:: nimezs @ 12:09 am [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, February 22, 2005 ::
"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"
I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line That divides me somewhere in my mind On the border line Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines What's fucked up and everything's alright Check my vital signs To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone I walk alone
I walk alone I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone I walk a...
I walk this empty street On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams Where the city sleeps And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me 'Till then I walk alone...
I've never found any songs by Greenday particularly catchy, and I don't own a single of their CDs or their mp3s. Still, this one caught my attention after I realized the lyrics were pretty similar to one of my MSN nicks (I walk a lonely road in quiet desperation), so I must've subconsciously registered the lyrics. Jermy asked about it too, and at first I didn't know what he was talking about, but now the dawn is upon me. Perhaps I'll go sample the CD...
:: nimezs @ 11:36 pm [+] ::
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:: Friday, February 18, 2005 ::
DJ Buffy, Kristen Kreuk is NOT sexy. She's sweet and has shown this to be particularly true in Smallville where she spends most of her time staring dolefully at the screen. And Snow White. I ask you - would someone who's sexy be cast as Snow White?? Kristen Kreuk is about as sexy as Alexis Bledel. Sorry, but those two? Not sexy. About as sexy as the girl next door.
:: nimezs @ 12:05 am [+] ::
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:: Monday, February 14, 2005 ::
I wrote a bunch of poetry for Valentine's Day. If you're so privileged, you may have seen them or even know of the site I publish my poems at. I doubt you'd remember the address anyway. =) It's too long, and how many would bother with my words enough to bookmark it? Anyway, I picked this one to go on my public blog 'cause it's the least depressing and most pertinent. Maybe it's also cheating a bit, since I wrote this last year. As yet, it is untitled, or rather, with the temp title, For Her. And please, no, I'm not lesbian. I'm perfectly heterosexual, though possibly not that happily.
I am not immune, I must confess. It's too easy for me to fall But who will catch me? Should I teeter on the edge, Hoping no one will see this fool Waving arms madly above Trying to keep a grip on practicality, Because he knows the reality?
Should I gladly hurl myself Without certainty of chance? The risk of an emotional death... The symbolic breaking of something that... Really isn't breakable? But suddenly, your smile distracted me, And for a moment, I forgot. I was too high up to fall.
I died, falling for you. And not even in your arms.
Oh and while you're still here, a little task.. do go check up the lyrics for "Buy me a rose" by Kenny Rogers or Luther Vandross, don't know which, but doesn't matter. Fell in love with the lyrics while hearing the song on Class 95.
:: nimezs @ 12:46 am [+] ::
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:: Sunday, February 13, 2005 ::
Still have the cough, and while it's not frequent as before, I don't think it's a good sign that I can't breathe properly immediately after I cough. My throat seizes up and I have to swallow and gulp just to get air down. It could be an inflammation of my throat but it doesn't feel exactly sore. I will see a doctor if I get an attack like that again though, so don't worry.
:: nimezs @ 11:40 pm [+] ::
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Happy Chinese New Year.
I just finished watching a movie on TV. "Keeping The Faith" I think it's called. I think I enjoyed it better while I was watching it, and now that I think about it, it's all a blurb, noise and fury, signifying nothing.
It could have been better narrated. Anyway, it's about this priest and this rabbi who both love this girl. The issue of faith isn't really brought up that well. But then, sometimes I think love is a religion. You love God, you worship Him, you have a relationship with Him, you are committed to Him, constantly reaffirming this love, this respect, this devotion. To forget is to drift apart. To not show the feeling is to lose it.
That's the religious aspect. The romance part is quite basic. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, boy breaks up with girl, boy learns his mistake, boy catches up with girl before she leaves.
I don't know why I torture myself watching romance flicks anymore. The stuff of fantasy that I can no longer live vicariously through, the things I want that you would seldom see in real life. But to see it happen in real life would probably kill me because it would only serve to affirm the things I dream of but don't have. At least on screen I can say, oh it's fiction, it could never happen. It's difficult being a dreamer. You have so much higher expectations. Selfishly unrealistic, I think. I am not perfect, so why should I even aspire to have a perfect love?
I've pondered the issue of love the past few weeks, reminded constantly by the oncoming Valentine's Day. It's everywhere, on television, on the radio, and every reminder engulfs me in a wave of melancholy. I love romance, truly I do, but if it's not happening in my life I really don't want to see it at this point. I wonder too, if I'm the sort of person who should date forever and never settle down, so I can just bask in the light of being romanced, the excessive displays of love, lust, whatever. Now I think about it, I wonder if the lack of romance was what killed my first relationship. Perhaps it caused the eventual lack of feeling.
Who knows? Ignorance is bliss, it's true, for to be a thinking AND feeling individual is to be in a situation of occassional cognitive dissonance. It's not a pleasant feeling.
If only it were so easy to just switch off our brains.
:: nimezs @ 1:18 am [+] ::
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:: Sunday, February 06, 2005 ::
Hamsters, hamsters, hamsters!
The big white one.
The little black one.
In other news... Had lunch at Cafe Cartel, and in my opinion, a fairly productive cell study. Rating: 3 stars! - (Good enough.)
Finished part of my shopping today. Since shopped with Mum, got better than value for money shopping deals... Got 3 smart-casual tops and a pair of three-quarters jeans. Rating: 4 stars! - (Most excellent!)
Going shopping tomorrow before class! And still have quite a bit of spending money. Hopefully will be able to sleep earlier today so can be bushy tailed and bright eyed tomorrow morning. Which would be a good thing, since I haven't worn my contacts for a long time. Sigh. Rating: 4 stars! - (Most excellent!)
Got played out for lunch by someone whom I'd hoped to see. At least I had my chef's salad at Cartel anyway. Which considering where else I could've eaten if I had travelled down to meet this person, is some kind of saving grace. Rating: minus 1 star. (Could be worse)
Still sick. Still sick. And the bottom right of my ribs hurt and before you ask and piss me off, I don't know why. Usually the explanation comes before the hurting. Hans says what I have is a productive cough, because it produces phlegm. Lotus probably doesn't care what kind of cough it is as long as she doesn't get it. Tough, because both Hans and I are sick, though he's recovered or recovering.
Patrick says I should go see a doctor, to which I've said no because they didn't provide much help last time and they just gave me confusing medical instructions on their medicine.
If you're an ardent fan of my writings and wondering why I've suddenly used so many names in my blog when I've always strived so hard to beat around the bush and conceal... To you, I admit I don't know why. I just felt like it.
To the majority of people who I know don't give a damn...never mind.
Also I wish I were 8, so I could be fussed over and etc.
In other news, I spent a fruitless day shopping because it was too freaking crowded and spent the rest of the afternoon dissecting why men and women never really do understand each other. Possibly a continuation on my discussion with Jason about why men and women both lie but only women cry. Just to paraphrase. He doesn't understand why women have to lie, but I'll tell you, 'cause it's late and I'm rambling like a drunk.
Women are emotional creatures. They think with their hearts. Well, okay, they don't, really, but they prefer going with their instincts sometimes. And sometimes, these feelings tell them that it's not a good idea to let men know the truth, in case he flares up or something. But of course... the thing about men is that they never get into hissy fits over things that women tell them, e.g. "I'm having dinner with an ex-boyfriend". They only get into hissy fits if there is REALLY something to be hissy about. In other words, men are ruled by ration. If there's no reason for them to get upset, they won't.
So you see what happens. A woman lies because she thinks it will keep things smooth whereas if a guy does find out that she's lied, things are going to be anything but smooth. Because now he DOES have a reason to be upset. Ah-ha! Which in turn I think, would upset the woman because the way she sees it, he's more upset at the hiding of truth than the actual truth, when she expected him to be upset about the truth. Which he's not. Unless he starts wondering why she hid the truth from him in the first place. Anyhow. Woman doesn't understand why he gets that upset because frankly it wasn't that big a deal, but she doesn't see what he's really upset about. He storms out and goes drinking with his buddies and she sits at home crying her eyes out because he's such a jerk, blowing up over nothing and she doesn't really understand what he's getting all angrily shouty about.
Actually, I don't know either, and this fantasy scenario is getting way out of hand. Caveat: This has never happened to me, and also now I know the words are out of my mouth, or rather out on the screen, nobody will believe me. But honestly, it's never happened.
Which leads me to my next big thought : Phrases to avoid if you want people to believe that it isn't you that you're talking about.
"A friend of mine has a problem..."
"It really isn't me..."
"I'm not drunk!"
etc. etc.
Eh well. Hope that was entertaining enough. It certainly did entertain me.
:: nimezs @ 3:12 am [+] ::
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:: Wednesday, February 02, 2005 ::
I should start wearing some kind of server's hat or something. It seemed like just a few days ago that I mopped the floor. It's all hairy again.
I feel oddly anxious tonight. Like there's something I want to do but am not doing it. The same kind of feeling I had when I tried to give up MUDding in secondary school. (I did eventually suceed anyway...in case you wondered.) I suppose you would call it a craving, but I'm not sure for what. Very strange feeling.
:: nimezs @ 10:11 pm [+] ::
...
I am still sick. The nights are especially bad because I can't sleep properly due to the coughing. The ring I bought today, as predicted, broke. Well, I didn't predict it would break, which was a sad outcome, but I did say it was breakable on dropping. Funnily, we pay more money for things made out of more fragile materials. Maybe they're more precious... Then again, diamonds are hardly fragile, are they.
:: nimezs @ 5:06 am [+] ::
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:: Tuesday, February 01, 2005 ::
The unchanging past shines too brightly against the capricious future. There is no home to go back to, and a new home must evermore be built over and over as we progress.
Can I live with that or should I seek a place that stays with me forever more, unchanging, or should I renounce a home and wander forever, no more than a sojourner?
:: nimezs @ 2:19 am [+] ::
