There's that feeling of restlessness again. My results will be out this afternoon. Frankly speaking, I'm not expecting to do well at all. Given how hard I studied, that's not a big surprise. Oh well. Another depressing thing to take a holiday from. Then I'll have to start planning what modules I'm going to take whilst I'm in Australia. I mean for NUS. Not modules in Australia. You get it.
I'm going to be gone for a week, and, somehow, despite the fact I'll be somewhere else beside boring, boring Singapore, I feel slightly depressed. Won't be able to see my friends, or my family. There are so many things to miss, and people I'll miss, even if it's just for one week. Especially my computer. Heheh... I don't think I'd feel so ... lost if I had my computer with me.
One gripe I have to make is that I feel people seem to see me as shallow. I'm not sure if this is because they don't know me, or I don't know myself. I don't FEEL like I act shallow, although I will admit to bouts of superficiality. I admit that I like guys who are good looking, I have materialistic desires, and I do sometimes judge people by face-value. But then, doesn't everyone? Or am I mistaken in believing that good looking people seem to be more well-received at first glance? Does admitting to my desires make me worse? So, I'm to like someone only because he's good-looking, and I don't associate with others because they're not?
Maybe it seems to people that I go out too much with people I don't know. Maybe it seems that I talk to much about enjoying free dinners. Maybe it seems like I only interact with or develop friendships with people who have something to offer me materialistically. It doesn't seem that way to me. Sometimes it's hard to not use the term "friend" on everyone you know, on the basis that you know this person, because people seem to get upset if you call them "acquaintances". Well, at least people my age. I wish I could tell them that you'd only be my friend if I cared for you, but no. "Friends" are people you talk to a lot. "Friends" are people you go shopping with. "Friends" are people who are only there when you have something to give them. "Friends" are people who talk about you behind your back because they don't know you that well. What can I say? I have a lot of those.
But as for the people who care, the people who notice my moods, the people who know what to say to me - how can I put them in the same category as the above?
I realise I've just digressed from the ONE gripe I was supposed to be making, but sometimes things just merge. I dunno. Being human is so complex. Being human is fun.
Talking like you aren't human is even more fun.
Hah... That should give you something to chew on.
:: nimezs @ 4:29 pm [+] ::
