:: No hablo estúpido ::

:: Thursday, December 30, 2004 ::

For a lack of anything better to do, I'm going to start writing and drawing again. Drawing probably later because it's much more inspiration based than writing, which I believe, once you get into the momentum of, produces fairly passable work. =D
For the hiatus of my woebegotten fantasy story, here's a chapter I think I forgot to include. It's not long, but it does reveal some more information.

:: nimezs @ 7:00 pm [+] ::

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I feel better now, after having read through past entries in my blog, and having some social interactions. At least I know I HAVE the capacity to be happy and it comforts me somewhat that good things have happened to me in the past. I smiled to myself. And despite the headache, the tiredness, I feel slightly happier. Knowing that all this will pass too. Because it has in the past. I only hope and pray that this will pass.

If not, there's always this to look forward to.

:: nimezs @ 2:45 am [+] ::

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Do I complain too much, feel sorry for myself too much? I do try, you know, to be normal, but it's hard not to dwell in self-misery. At what? Haha... It's so easy to be miserable. See title of the blog. Not that I actually question the meaning of life and my purpose on earth etc. etc. Well, perhaps I do question my purpose on earth.
So much I want to say to people, but I will never. Who to talk to anyway? I'm not being delibrately evasive or cynical, but complete understanding is difficult. Furthermore it's hard to break the trend - if you've never opened up, very few people expect you to.
And I really don't know why, but these days, I question every action I take, every action others take, and it's hard for me to see genuine human consideration, kindness... values. There's vested interest in everything, else it's an attempt to maintain a modicum of social propriety. Yes, I am very cynical.

I think I'm going mad. Haha. Definitely a touch of over-dramatization there. But seriously? I don't know how to fix myself and this core of depression.

:: nimezs @ 1:42 am [+] ::

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Dear best friend...

I know I hardly ever talk about you, so this is a first, no? Hope you're feeling better by the time you get back. In the meanwhiles, and while I still remember, this entry is for you.
*Ahem* About the below words, I wrote that way back last year. In fact it's dated 14th of December, and has no title. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately) it's not about you, although, the reason why I'm dedicating this to you is because I know what you mean and how you feel about certain-certain things. Somewhat. Perhaps in a more childish, less rational sense. It's not a sudden midnight thing because I have thought of this before, just that it slipped my mind. I beg artistic license because as you very well know I'm not an accomplished or frequent poet, if at all. For that matter, the following isn't really poetry. More like prose. Well, this is for you, nonetheless. Please make your criticisms private... thanks.

Hurt me, and no one will know, rend my heart, scar my soul. Hidden away, these wounds will never see the light of day.

You don't know, you never did. All these petty angers keep burning uncontrolled. Jealousy, a warm, searing grip, clutches my breast, inflames my mind. Hatred, rises like smoke, blinding me, but oh, so intoxicating. In a brief blinding flash, I renounce you, I cast you aside in my mind, hands curl into fists, ready to harm, hurt, tear you like you did to me, unknowingly.

Like a child, breaking the wings of a bird.

You didn't know, you never will. But then the tide washes over, and I am drained. Not even embers remain, just the dregs of my pain. Pale, watery, sallow - the sorrow left after the fuel is spent. Ashes even. Could never hurt you now, could never show my anger. I am broken, but return, only to be broken again.

But you didn't know. You never did.

Though I am, too, weak.

:: nimezs @ 1:46 am [+] ::

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Oh. Adware. I just looked through my list of programmes and there are two search programmes which I don't recall installing. I was complaining about the hyperlinked stuff earlier? Yeah, well, I think I was the only one seeing it. Very clever programme. Highlighting all those search terms. Amazing. And rendered in my HTML too.

And for nicely pointing it out, here's a tip.

Be glad if she gets mad,
When you've done bad.
Else you know for sure,
she's not really your girl.

:: nimezs @ 1:29 am [+] ::

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Is it better to be hypocritically nice or honestly brutal?

:: nimezs @ 5:22 pm [+] ::

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Have you noticed? Some terms on my page are being linked. I'm not doing it, so I suppose Blogger is. Glue gun, Kim possible and Hello Kitty. Hmmm. How very commercialized.
I do like Kim Possible, by the way. Cute cartoon. Hate Hello Kitty. Don't need a glue gun, though I'm sure I'd have lots of fun with it.

:: nimezs @ 2:11 am [+] ::

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I'm back from China. I had originally intended a nice photospread, but uh, space has always been a constraint. Secondly, I'm feeling a little dead now, having been "abandoned" for mahjong. =( You know who you are. And don't complain because this is my blog and I'm allowed to whine. So there. Anyone interested in dating me tomorrow? Sigh. Notice is always so short.
But it is a project I might take up because China is a seriously beautiful place and even with no photographic experience I've captured gorgeous photos. It is honestly an incredible experience, touring the more scenic parts of China. And believe me, it will give you a greater appreciation for some aspects of living in singapore.
Lots of stories. I did enjoy myself. Do ask me about it.

:: nimezs @ 11:57 pm [+] ::

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For some inexplicable reason, I'm suddenly hit with this incredibly odd revelation (or perhaps not) that I hardly come across as a fluffy feminine thing in my blog. Perhaps it's the effect of the book I just finished, but I sometimes feel like a horribly unoptimistic and cynical person. =(

I don't feel girly at all.

I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not, but in the past years or so I've been content running around in pants or jeans all the time. (More so of pants until I entered uni...) And my blog is so... male-ish, apart from the occassional gushing. I mean, look at the colour.

Okay, that's it for late night rant, because I suddenly realized what I could do in my time of supreme boredom and I won't continue this pointless spie-

:: nimezs @ 4:56 am [+] ::

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